98-Deep Thoughts: Birdie

I can still remember the times we used to watch birds through our apartment window and you learned to say "birdie, birdie" as you pointed at them. Everywhere you went you wouldn't hesitate to make sure everyone knew that you now knew the word. I was so proud of you.

I remember your first day of school and how adorable you looked in your little uniform. You gave us a hard time staying at school that day, but you soon stopped crying and started playing with your new friends. You soon forgot about everything else and you stayed at school for the whole day. You said you had fun that day and told the story of how wonderful your day was. "When can I go back?" you asked. I was so proud of you.

I remember how hard it was for you to catch a baseball. But I remember how excited you were when you finally caught one, and I was so proud of you.

I remember when I first let you cross the street by yourself. I was so scared. I walked a few steps behind you to make sure that you did exactly what I taught you. The thought of a car hitting you while I was watching you a few feet away was my greatest fear. But you did it. You crossed three streets without me. I was so proud of you.

I remember when you first learned how to ride a bike. I remember we went shopping for a bike that same day and I was not coming home until you learned how to ride it. You fell, almost cried but, I reminded you that it was okay and you that you had to get back on it. You did just that and that day you rode your bike all the way back home. I was so proud of you.

I remember all the times I've seen you perform. Whether it was dancing, singing or just giving a presentation. My eyes get All watery when I think to myself: "That's my boy!" I'm so proud of you.

Seeing you graduate and knowing that you are off to high school makes me just as scared as I was when I first let you cross street on your own, but I'm so proud of you. I'm scared though, that I may not have taught you everything that you need to know. I'm scared I'm losing you.

I remember when you used to text me, call me and constantly tell me you miss me. Now you can't wait until I leave. I remember when we used to sing "Just The Two of Us" by Will Smith and oh, how you knew all the words. I was so proud of you. We haven't sang that together in a while. I wonder if you still know the words. It feels like I'm losing you.

You used to always ask me: "Are you proud of me?" I could always count on getting a hand-made Christmas, Birthday, Father's Day card, and any other event you could think of in which it allowed you to make one for me. I still have them. I read them sometimes and remember all the wonderful things we did together. Still, I feel I'm losing you.

Remember when we used to play thumb war on the subway whenever we went somewhere? I remember how you used to laugh. It was infectious. I remember how people around us would also laugh. When I think of those moments, tears just flow and a smile adorns my face. Still, I feel I'm losing you.

I sometimes wish I could go back to those days when you just learned the word "birdie" and we can start all over again. And we could watch birds again and I could teach you things all over again, this time better. I wish I could, and I don't want to lose you.

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